May 23, 2019 | By Alice Gividen
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Iâ€™ve always been fascinated/disturbed by secret societies, but this time Iâ€™m simply disgusted. Yesterdayâ€™s WWD contained a horrifying article about Nikeâ€™s latest attempt to ruin the world, this time through an invitation only series of fitness classes called Project: Classified, held here in New York. It sounds innocuous enough, until their marketing people open their mouths and vomit up things like â€œOur reputation precedes us. To be asked is to want to participateâ€ and compare Project: Classified with â€œa place on a Birkin bag wait list or reservations at the Waverly Inn.â€ Really? Launched in April of 2006 with the â€œGotham Workoutâ€ class, each fitness event is held in a â€œraw spaceâ€ with an esoteric idea behind it (the Emigrant Industrial Savings Bank as a metaphor for â€œthe levels of access and security that conceal something valuableâ€). Thereâ€™s a warehouse party rip-off vibe about the whole thing: â€œProject: Classified swarms in, permeates a space and then leaves. The venues are unexpected, readapted, overtaken.â€ Well Iâ€™m overtaken with nausea. I donâ€™t do faux-cool marketing initiatives, so Nike, if any of your be-suited gentlemen arrive at my apartment bearing one of your cardboard (â€œa material often used to hide or protectâ€) invitations bearing Project: Classifiedâ€™s cicada (â€œheard but rarely seenâ€) logo, you can be sure that your reputation does indeed precede you, but that to be asked isnâ€™t necessarily to want to participate.
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