It's Better To Burn Out…

Fame is a fickle mistress. One year, you have a hit song or a successful movie career, or maybe even both. The next year finds you living at your parents house, eating Pringles straight out of the can, wondering “what happened?” as you cry yourself to sleep. You just never know. Here are some stars that once burned brightly, but whose luster has dimmed considerably. Click ‘more’ to see other low-wattage celebs in need of stylists!

Everything about this pose says “I’m Cindy freaking Lauper. What do you expect from me? I wear insane, terrifically ugly things and I ALWAYS have and you need to GET OVER IT.” I’m a big sucker for colorful “dresses” featuring wildlife (really) but this is too much. I don’t care how much fun girls want to have.

Even at a young age, I knew bad TV when I saw it. As such, the WB and I have never had a “loving” relationship. Former stars Tia and Tamara have long stood for everything I consider evil, and it’s bizarrely comforting to know they’re still at it, what with their unflattering rayon dresses and horrible matching faces.

fred durst
Look into his piercing sky-blue eyes. Feel the sincerity radiate. Fred Durst is no longer doing it all for the nookie, and he wants you to know that. Gone are the days of red baseball caps and camouflage shorts, replaced by solid button-downs and grown-up hats. In fact, Fred Durst looks uncannily like my cousin Michael, a computer guy from San Diego, if Michael wore fedoras and went to fashion shows and generally tried to convince people he had “really changed.”

Don’t try to tell me that Prince doesn’t secretly rule the world, or at least have far-reaching influence, because Apollonia has not done a thing, really, since Purple Rain. Which was in 1984. Still, she turns up at L.A. Fashion Week and someone cares enough to take her picture! Guess I’m not the only only still rocking out to “Take Me With U.”

A disclaimer: I know every word to Wayne’s World, not just the well-known and beloved catch phrases. I still consider Cassandra’s bangs and flowing tresses the end-all, be-all of hairstyles, and I still covet most of her outfits (maybe not the body-suits). In short, I wanted to be Tia Carerre for a goodly portion of my young life. But this outfit pains me. She looks like the inside of a Tootsie Pop. I seriously hate Tootsie Pops, but its nice to see Tia’s giant smile again.

I used to watch The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air for three reasons: I though it was funny (that Jefrey and his acid-tongued wit!), I liked the theme song (“In West Philadelphia…”) and I liked that Tatyana Ali’s character was named Ashley because I got to hear my name on TV, which is terrible. I especially liked the fact that ‘Ashley’ was supposed to be a “rich person name,” which is even worse. What’s not bad (at all) is this outfit! Ms. Ali looks all hott and polished in this high-waisted skirt and blouse combo. What would Carlton say?

Although I was (and still am) a huge Wonder Years fan, I never liked that Winnie Cooper. With her perfect skin, perfect hair and heart-breaking ways, I always thought Kevin could do better. Plus, she was way taller than him, and it just looked weird. Danica McKellar still has perfect skin and perfect hair (unsure about the heart-breaking ways), but what’s happening with this blood-sucker of an outfit? “I’m sorry Kevin, but I’m one of the undead.” Can’t see that going over well in the neighborhood.

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