Apr 13, 2018 | By Samuel Trotman
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Hayden Panettiere would like you to know that she is growing up. As proof, she offers up her naked back, complete with a sultry, over-the-shoulder gaze meant to convey maturity. Problem is, she’s conveying something, but it sure isn’t maturity. You see Hayden, growing up isn’t about looking like a Lady of the Night, it’s about looking presentable. There might be a lot of teal happening in the picture on the right, and that’s unfortunate, but at least I don’t have the urge to throw an afghan over the girl.
I get it: Beyonce has curves and we should all be celebrating them. Sure. But not when they’re unflatteringly presented in the form of a horrible jumpsuit. I seriously think it must be difficult for this woman to look bad, so it’s confusing to see her looking like she never leaves the Bronx or something. But check the picture on the right. Is that the same person? Beyonce cleans up well in an outfit that’s just as form-fitting, but much less bootylicious for ya, babe.
Tara Reid can usually be counted on to look like a trashy mermaid (see left photo), but every once in a while she must let a competent stylist have their way with her wardrobe. Tara manages to look (dare I say) classy and pulled together in this mini-dress; her accessories are perfect, and her sassy mane has been tamed into a demure ponytail. I feel like cheering, or at least politely clapping.
Tyra-bashing has become somewhat of a national hobby, what with her joke of a talk show and all the “controversy” surrounding it. As a former model, you’d think Ms. Banks would have a basic understanding of what makes her look good. Judging from this frightful shorts and pointy boots combo, you’d be wrong. But look to the left, she goes from bomb to bombshell! Tyra works her old magic (contrived pose and all) in this flattering floor length gown.
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